G-Force

M: Sometimes movies are just for parents, sometimes they are just for kids. Sometimes you can get a movie that the whole family can enjoy. On a rare occasion, you can find a movie that is hated by all. Welcome to G-Force. The best, and most telling, part of the movie was when, after watching for about 1/2 hour, our daughter (5 1/2 years) asked, when do we see the weird funny things (the movie had a preview for Alice in Wonderland, and she thought that was going to be the movie we watched). We explained that this was the movie, that it was about these guinea pigs and their adventures. She covered her head with her blanket to hide her disappointment and to weep quietly. Our other daughter (4 years) had fallen asleep. I wanted to join them (sleep would have been preferable, but gentle weeping would have sufficed). But there we sat, through the end. I don't know what it is about our family, but when it comes to movies, we finish what we start. Even if it is awful. I think we hope it will turn around and redeem itself. So I never get it when I hear someone say "oh, we turned that one off after 10 minutes" I don't know if they are wrong or I am. Even our 5 1/2 year old is starting to display this tendency (although she was very disappointed, she wouldn't let us just turn it off, we had to wait to the end). We really only turn something off if it is just foul (see Year One). But, since we don't really watch the rated R's, that is not common. Even Year One we may have made it to the end if we weren't watching it with my parents (squirm . . . blush . . . squirm). So last night, after the movie, I was thinking about this, and humming a song by Cake which kind of sums it up. It's called "End of the Movie"

People you love will turn their backs on you,
You'll lose your hair, Your teeth,
Your knife will fall out of it's sheath,
But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie.

People you hate will get their hooks into you,
They'll pull you down, You'll frown,
They'll tar you and drag you through town,
But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie,
No, You still don't like to leave before the end of the show.

I don't even know where to begin on the actual content of G-Force. It just bugged me. I will say that I hear it had some cool 3D effects. But on a TV, those scenes set up for the 3D theaters just fell flat. 1 Star

V: M, you had fun with that review, didn't you? Yes, G-Force was really quite dumb. Very disjointed, throw-in-the-stuff you think people will like but give it no sense, pick-your-nose and fart humor, bleagh. Not a fun one for our family movie night. (Our kids are still re-watching Chicken Run.) Why would these smart little rodents be devastated by the fact that they were not genetically engineered, but just regular guinea pigs who made themselves into intelligent creatures? Why would the villain who spent so much time plotting world destruction so quickly wake up to the fact that what he had done was wrong and he needs to try to stop it? "Oh dear, what have I done?" Dumb, dumb. 1 1/2 stars